Current mood:

helpless

Okay God,
I'm tired of running. I have been so stressed and in a poor mood for a while. It mainly started Friday, due to me being a girl, but it hasn't gone away, and I can't remember the last time I've been this moody and for this long. I know that once I finally break down and go to you and spend more time than usual with you then I'll start to get better. But for some reason I'm running away. I feel unworthy and I have been crabby to almost everyone I come in contact with. Friday we leave to go to Nashville for the Youth Specialties Youth Workers Convention. I'd like to get over this slump before then 'cause I see myself breaking down and dealing with everything at once, as usual. I want to overcome my fear to face the things in my life that need to be changed, but I get that nudge that says, "keep running away, it'll be okay." And I know thats not you God telling me that. I know you are waiting with arms open wide. So God, here I come, all a mess, and I'm sorry. I've got this messed up image thinking that life will be better once I'm out of school and done with having to deal with pointless classes that haven't helped me, but I know in reality that things will only get harder. I am where I am so I can become stronger and face things after this. I don't even want to face things now. I am so lucky to have a loving God who is here for me even when I refuse to go to Him first even when I know its the best thing to do. God, there is a lot of work for you to do in me. A lot of things I need to change and learn. Lord, I'm still resisting, but I ask that you embrace me and break me down. Lord help me.